I'm jumping off a bridge today.
free falling , into the icy , choppy waters below ,
and surely to my death .
Gripping the railings by only my fingers ,
balancing on my toes, i lean outward and inhale deeply.
i'm enjoying what i'm sure will be my last breath taken .
i savor the moment, iv'e said all of my good byes.
there's nobody holding me back . i selfishly believe there is
not a solitary reason for me to stay . I can't
help but wonder what's taking me so long to let go.
i glance behind me . there is nothing but the wind ,
the whispers of souls lost like mine ,
all waiting in line for thier turn to jump.
they urge me onward with comforting expressions,
condolences, best wishes for the next life .
my heart is thudding impatiently in my chest,
more ready than me , to be at the bottom of the sea.
a gust of wind shoves me forward and iv'e lost my footing.
I don't want to do this afterall , i don't really want to fall.
I scramble ,trying to hold on,the gypsy souls prying my fingers free.
I squeeze my eyes shut , not wanting to see the end. I'm floating.
I surely must have fallen. God took mercy on my soul and i'm
going on the wings of angels to meet with him in the great depths above.
I open my eyes and realize that i am not floating or flying with angels.
Or on my way to the heavens in fact. I'm being carried ,
by an undeniable force , cradled in the arms of a savior unexpected.
I cry , I thrash , I demand. "I didn't want to be saved! I didn't know
you saw me fall ! How could you ?"
"Darling , I felt you reaching for the rails. I'll have you know ,
that wer'e not living. For when you fell , I fell with you .
Where wer'e at , we'll never really know.
Honey i can promise you , wherever we go we'll go together.
I'd rather die a thousand times than to wander this world, aimlessly & alone."
"I'm fumbling with my words, furious , confused , and in love with your reasoning.
but you still should not have come with me. "
"I was only doing what i do best ."
"You had a life to live. I jumped because i had nothing left to give."
"I lived enough. You gave more than enough.. you gave everthing to
make a blind man see. "
"You were foolish in following . I would have talked you out of this.
Remember your family , your friends?"
You sigh , shake your head , and hold me close to your chest.
"Darling, you wonderful naieve little creature.
Don't you get it ? Understand , that blind man was me."
---Alexis K. Shaffer
